I’m a big offender of the yo-yo dieting lifestyle. I’ve done it all - Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Aktins, Portien only while gyming it for two hours a day, not eating enough, eating only water base objects, you’ve named it and I’ve attempted it at some point in my life.

I will never say I suffered from an eating disorder, I do controlmy food in take. For me, food as never just been food - it’s a distresser, it’s a reward, it’s a punishment, it’s a time passer, it’s good, it’s evil. I rarely eat because I’m hungry - I eat due to boredom, stress, sadness. Because I’ve tired my body to constantly eat, it now just wants to constantly eat.

Going on a hike? Not fun? Going to a restaurant? Total fun. Going to the movies and not having a large popcorn? Unheard of. Large popcorns make the movies don’t you know.

I’ve realized now that my lifestyle choices are not helping me. Sure, I was able to maintain a size four - but I was living off salads and fighting myself every minute of every day from running off to McDonald’s and grouging on french fries. I now eat whenever I want - and I hate the fact that I don’t think I look good. I hate that I can’t wear certain clothes that I want to wear.

So now, I’m going to change that.

This isn’t a diet blog by any means - my goal is not to diet myself so I look like some celebrity. I’m not doing this for anyone other than myself. My friends don’t care and I get enough male attention to know that I don’t need to loose weight to gain their attention. I would love to wear a size 4 again, but not with all the side problems it comes with. I want to be active again and ride horses again and wear fashionable clothes and not feeling jiggly when I walk around or like I’m the fat friend of the group. By improving my health habits, I’ll improve my confidence and decrease my depression. So even if I was the biggest girl of the group, I won’t care because I’ll be healthy and happy with myself. Right now, I care because I could be doing something about it, but I’m not and it’s my lacking of trying that is bringing me down.

I started this tumblr to hold myself accountable. When I desire food and I know I’m not hungry, I have somewhere to go and post things to encourage myself.

This isn’t a diet blog and so I won’t be posting anything negative - I will not call myself negative names or beat myself up over being heavier than I would like or talk about how I was bad that day and ate McDonald’s.

Because in my life, I will enjoy and have a Whopper - I’ll just make it weekly or bi-monthly instead of every other day and I will work off what I put in. Checks and balances shall be my friend.

I’m excited to embark on my journay to becoming a healthier person.